


Texan Pride

by AifasInTheSky



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Well - Freeform, remember that episode of Spongebob where Bob and Patrick insulted Texas to rile Sandy up?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 02:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13940409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AifasInTheSky/pseuds/AifasInTheSky
Summary: Soldier is about to learn it is not wise to insult a Texan's homeland.





	Texan Pride

“What did you just say, son?”

The rest of the team backed away. Engineer was an easygoing man, but when he got angry – real angry – then you’d better take cover. And the dark aura around the Texan right then was positively deadly.

Soldier, however, didn’t seem to notice.

“Didn’t hear me, cupcake? I said TEXAS IS DUMB! No wonder you let your pansy ass be kicked by short pants back there – all of you Texans are a bunch of NUMBNUSTS! All day ‘howdy y’all’ and ‘hippie-ya-yey’ instead of FIGHTING LIKE MEN!”

“You might want to take that back, mister.”

“Take what back, hippie? That Texas people are stupid? NEVER!” He stepped right in front of Engineer and leaned on his face. “THEY ARE THE SORRIEST BUNCH OF LOSERS I’VE EVER SEEN! AND IT MAKES SENSE, COMING FROM SUCH A DUMB PLACE! STUPID TEXAS-”

And he kept going and going, diligently digging his own grave. But everyone knew he was _really_ done for when the idiot snatched Engineer’s guitar.

“THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE DULL AND DIM, WHENEVER THEY HAVE TO BE OVER DUMB OL’ STUPID TEXAS…!”

“... He’s screwed,” Scout whispered to Sniper, who elbowed him silent.

 “EVERYTHING IN TEXAS IS DUMB! YOUR HATS ARE DUMB! YOUR COWS ARE DUMB!”

“Uhh Soldier,” Demo started carefully. “I think ya got your point through, mate. Maybe it’s for the best if ya... stop...”

“What? Don’t be a sissy, Cyclops – what could that old, slowpoke Texas-”

_Click!_

The safety of a shotgun snapped in everyone’s ears. Silence fell. Soldier slowly turned back at Engineer and at last really took in the other man’s stance: bowed head, wide stance, set shoulders – quaking with contained fury as he held his weapon up.

Oh, Holy Mother Mary and Joseph.

“No one. And I mean _no one._ Talks like that about Texas.”

\-----

Soldier groaned, rotating his shoulder. A real soldier had to admit when he’d been defeated and damnit, he’d just had his ass kicked all the way to respawn and back at least four times. And on top of that, Oktoberfest had refused to patch him up on the grounds that “ _You_ caused this mess in the first place so now deal with it on your own!” He sounded stupid even in his head.

He couldn’t wait to get some damn good rest.

Their room was one of the farthest ones from the mess hall. It had originally been Engineer’s, although it had started being actually used to sleep when- well. Before that, the place had just served as a storage room of sorts, where Engie held his stuff from home and stored mechanical pieces and blueprints that didn’t fit in his workplace anymore. He tended to fall asleep working so often that he had improvised a cot there and just slept in a corner of the workshop.

Soldier liked thinking he had actually made a positive impact on his health. You’re welcome, Engie’s spine.

Ah, there it was, finally. Now he just had to open the door and-

He stared perplexed at it. Then he tried the handle again. Why wouldn’t it open?

“Engie? Are you in there?” Soldier started banging on the door. A metallic clang resounded from inside. He _had_ to be there. “Engie!”

Medic, Heavy and Spy hushed him from their doorsteps. He glared at them and then at the door. Maybe if he kicked it op-

“Don’t even think about it,” growled Engineer from inside.

There was dead quiet for a while. Then, a loud snore echoed through the door.

He sighed. His old room it was.

\-----

“Medic! MEDIC!”

The battlefield was havoc – bombs exploded everywhere, guts flew over their heads, limbs and bodies were strewn all over the dusty ground. Soldier ducked behind some crates, nursing his many bullet wounds – oh, that RED Sputnik was going to pay _hell_ for that – while he waited for help. He couldn’t move from his spot: that would mean certain, painful death, in addition to losing his position, which was close enough to the enemy’s control point that, had he been in better shape, he would’ve been able to ensure the team’s advance.

That wasn’t the case, though.

_“MEDIC!”_

Where was that fritz when you needed him?!

“Yawoh- _AGGGH!_ ” Soldier watched from his hiding spot as the medic crumbled to the floor, the back of his skull cracked open by a swing from the RED Scout. The kid whooped and celebrated next to his victim’s prone body and promptly sped away like the hyperactive little rascal he was. Ugh, there went his last chance of healing; there wasn’t even one small health kit nearby.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a spot of blue and yellow moving in his general direction. Unless...

“Engineer!”

He waved frantically at him, trying to catch his attention. Engineer, however, kept running until he settled several feet away and started working on the sentry he was carrying. As he finished, he went to retrieve more metal from a little crate close to him – lucky bastard. But at least he could build more stuff now.

“Engie! Deploy a dispenser here!”

To his dismay, Engineer started assembling his infamous Rancho Relax-o instead, whistling a merry tune as he worked. His nerve!

“ENGINEER!”

The comfortable recliner was ready, and Engineer merrily threw himself on it, grabbing a bottle of beer from its stash. He took a long gulp and exhaled, a smirk on his face.

“ _ENGINEER!”_ The man was just plain grinning by now. “Grease monkey! Dell, come on, you bastard, I know you heard me – deploy a dispen-”

“What do we have here?”

Soldier gulped. That gruff voice could only belong to two men, and he had the sinking feeling this time it wasn’t the friendly one.

His foreboding was proved true as he was abruptly grabbed by the throat and lifted in the air to meet a pair of narrowed, cold blue eyes. He snarled and kicked – he wasn’t going down without a fight, damnit – but he was too injured to pose a real threat.

“Little man killed _doktor_ today,” growled the Heavy, tightening his grip. His eyes glinted dangerously. “I don’t like when people hurt _doktor_.”

Engineer kept whistling, carefree, as Soldier’s screams echoed in the afternoon air.

\-----

He needed to talk some sense into Engineer.

The whole matter was getting ridiculous.

Rest assured, at least Engineer was still doing his job – he was too responsible to lower his performance. But it was grating on Soldier’s nerves the way he ignored every single command he delivered. He stayed as far away as he could from Soldier and refused to aid him in any way.

It was unacceptable. That’s why after battle he headed off to Engineer’s workshop.

They were going to have a little talk about proper battlefield attitude.

The door was open. He could hear noise coming from the back; Engineer was probably working on one of his little toys. Tch.

He only took three steps when-

_BEEP-BEEP._

“Aaaahh!”

\-----

“Ya shouldn’t have said all that, mate,” Demo said to him in the otherwise empty rec room, passing him one of his whisky bottles in sympathy. “Ya know Engie’s got one hell of a temper.”

“But I don’t understand!” Soldier took several gulps of the drink and lowered the bottle with a loud _clang_ on the table. “The ass-kicking should’ve been the end of it!” Once Engineer blew off some steam he'd calm down and go on with life as always. Or that’s what he’d thought.

“And now he’s put a sentry at his workshop door, Demo! A sentry! That son of a gun- it fired right at me, his teammate, his brother-in-arms! I can still feel the damn bullets in my war-toughened behind!”

“Sorry to hear that, mat-” Demo interrupted himself with a sudden burp. “H-hey, wait- d’ya mean the sentry up at his shop- I thought that thing was there ‘n case the RED snake got any ideas...”

“Yes! I mean no! I mean- what?” Soldier loosened his grip on the bottle. “It- it didn’t shoot you?”

“Nah,” Demo replied, scratching his beanie. “Oh lad, yer in trouble. He _really_ doesn’t wanna see yer mug, does he?”

“Damnit,” Soldier grumbled, grabbing at his helmet. Demo patted his shoulder.

\-----

“Lieutenant Bites! That’s no way to address your commanding officer!”

The snarls and scratches and yelling could be heard from outside the base. Sniper lowered his beer and looked in that direction.

“What’s that awful racket for?”

“Nevermind, slim,” Engineer took a sip of his. “Soldier Boy’s problems.”

“Truckie, I know you’re both at odds right now but- shouldn’t we just check-”

“No.”

“Aw, piss; the base’s gonna be destroyed by morning.”

“’S not like you use it, pardner.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.”

\-----

“ _Mission begins in sixty seconds._ ”

Everyone kept preparing themselves for battle – Heavy put some sandwiches in his pocket and went to check on Sasha, Scout swung his bat, testing it, Pyro polished his lollyp- axe, Spy checked his suit for creases. Medic started building up his Über and giving overcharge to the usual people. Heavy: check. Demoman: check. Soldier…

“Wait,” he said, looking in all directions. “Where is Herr Soldier?”

Sniper looked at Engineer but the man was looking for something in one of his toolboxes.

Suddenly, the door to respawn opened. Soldier trudged inside, uniform ripped and full of what appeared to be bitemarks all across his arms and legs. His helmet was missing a strap.

“Jane, what happened to you, mate?” Demo asked him, bottle of scotch dangling in surprise.

“… subordination everywhere. I’m going to teach that maggot and the rest of those ungrateful racoon bastards _whose_ room it is…”

Medic rushed to heal him – it wouldn’t do well if one of them was unfit for battle. He wasn’t really looking forward to an humiliation round today.

“Did you even sleep at all?” he asked Soldier when he started leaning to one side.

“Y-yes!” Soldier jumped, straightening himself in a military pose. “Thirty minutes, thirty-five seconds, sir! It is more than what I’ll never need! SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK AND THE SISSIES!”

“Er, alright,” said Medic, frowning. He would stick to Heavy that round. At least he would keep him alive.

“ _Mission begins in ten seconds._ ”

“READY, MEN?” Soldier grabbed his rocket launcher and started loading it. He forgot his shotgun on a bench.

“ _Five, four, three-_ “

“LET’S GO!” he yelled, and with a battle cry he ran towards the closed door and tried to make a rocket jump. He exploded in a thousand bits.

Everyone stared at his remains.

“Well,” said Scout, “that looks promising.”

\-----

Great.

Not only was Engineer still ignoring him and generally making his life a living hell; now the rest of the team was miffed too because they lost three times in a row because of his poor performance.

And it was all Engineer’s fault.

It had been a week already. A week of no dispensers, terrible sleep, teleporters that would work for everyone in the team except for him, sentry shots in the ass and the coldest of cold shoulders he had ever been subject to in his life.

If Engineer weren’t ignoring him, he would have been able to win. _They_ would have been able to win. He would have been at his peak performance and give all those RED maggots a lesson on ass kicking.

If Engineer were to support him, he would be able to give his best.

And he was getting tired of being a let-down.

He said all this to Heavy when he found Soldier late at night sitting in the rec room with a beer in his hand, his old room taken by the racoon army.

“Apologize.”

“I _can’t,_ maggot! It’s not my fault that he cannot take constructive criticism!”

Heavy raised an eyebrow.

“… I’m sure he could have learned something from that speech.”

“Soldier was mean to him. You insulted Engineer’s home, and intelligence; those are very important to him.”

“Heh, he was always a proud American, just like me.” Soldier gulped. Oh no. He might have made a mistake this once.

“Just _go_ , _talk_ to him.”

“But-” Soldier’s stomach dropped. “He won’t let me near him. There’s a sentry in his workshop and-“

“Find him. You know him. You know where to find him. Fix this mess.”

“… Alright.” It was a testament of how defeated he was the way he gave in without a fight. “Thanks, Heavy. You’re a real American.”

“No problem. Just don’t make noise. Base needs to sleep.”

\-----

Engineer was walking down the hallway, heading to his room. He was tempted to go back to his workshop, _his_ place, where he could work off some steam by building something interesting. He had some prototypes that he hadn’t had the time yet to test, and he could use the extra free time. But somehow, he didn’t feel up to it. Not today.

He had to admit it had been a challenge to modify all his buildings to detect and react to only one person, and he was still proud at his accomplishment. But now that he had done it, he found himself in an odd mood. He was still mad as hell, but with that came a feeling of restlessness that was difficult to shake. And he wasn’t about to let that mother-hubbard win that one too. He was going to get a good night of sleep, and he was going to work for his team in the morning, and no son-of-a-gun was going to ruin his performance.

“Engie, wait!”

Engineer stopped. Speaking of Rome.

Soldier ran after him, and stopped some feet behind.

“... Grrmbblndrry.”

“… Say what, pardner?”

“I’m sorry!” Soldier bellowed at his back. Engineer turned around. Soldier was standing at attention, back straight, hands behind his back. He was staring ahead, and although his helmet didn’t allow him to see where he was looking at, he had a feeling he was avoiding his eyes.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said, and headed back towards his room.

“Wait!” Soldier grabbed his wrist. Engineer snatched it away and strode inside, closing the door with a slam.

“OPEN THE DOOR, MAGGOT!” he yelled, banging his fists on the door. “DON’T MAKE ME BREAK IT DOWN!”

Engineer leaned back on the door, feeling each pound against his back. He was going to open it over his cold dead body.

“COME ON, YOU PIECE OF TRASH, LET ME TALK TO YOU!”

“No!”

“OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT, MAGGOT, OR SO HELP ME GOD-“

“FINE!”

He opened the door and flung outside Soldier’s shovel collection, one by one, aiming at Soldier’s head. Soldier covered himself as he could, still yelling.

“STOP, MAGGOT, STOP! ENGINEER! OUCH! DELL!”

“Not so dumb anymore, eh, Soldier Boy? What do you think of my Texan sentry? Of my Texan teleporters? Huh? Miss my Texan dispensers?”

“YES!” Soldier yelled. Engineer stopped for a moment, shovel number eight in his hand.

Soldier uncovered himself, sensing he was being given an opportunity.

“I MISS YOUR DISPENSERS, DELL! I MISS YOUR SUPPORT DURING BATTLE! I MISS YOUR SMILES, I MISS YOUR FRIENDLY COMMENTS AT LUNCH, I MISS YOU AT MY SIDE AT NIGHT! I MISS YOU AT MY SIDE, FULL STOP!

“I REALIZE I MADE A MISTAKE! I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT! I INSULTED A FELLOW AMERICAN AND HIS HOME AND FOR THAT I AM SORRY! I…” and Soldier lowered his voice, looking down, digging the tip of his boot in the floor. He looked completely chastised. “… I’m sorry about what I said about Texans.”

Engineer was mad. Hell, he _was_ mad. But something twisted his insides at the sight of Soldier standing there, sad, uncertain, almost small. He lowered the shovel and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Soldier, you can’t- You don’t have any right to- This is- Oh, hell; come here,” he said, and walked up to him and gave him a hug. Soldier stiffened, then relaxed into the hug, then tightened it until Engineer almost ran out of air.

“I’m sorry, Engie,” Soldier said, his voice cracking.

“I-it’s okay, Solly.” Engineer patted his back, seeing stars.

A slow clap startled them. They parted only to see Spy with an amused smirk on his face, the rest of the team looking at them from their respective rooms, clapping with him. Engineer went red in the face.

“Well, it seems this little drama has finished at last,” Spy announced, lighting a cigarette. “Let us hope peace will last at least a week; isn’t that right, _monsieur_ Soldier?”

“Shut your mouth, baguette! I-”

“Soldier,” Heavy warned him, eyebrows creased.

“… Alright.”

Everyone went back to their rooms. It was kind of late actually, and it looked like the next day they would stand a chance at last.

“Solly,” Engineer called him. Soldier turned to look at him quizzically. “D’you wanna sleep here tonight?”

Soldier stiffened in surprise, then a big smile appeared on his face. “Affirmative!”

“C’mere, then,” he drawled, grabbing his hand and pulling him in.

Heck, he had to admit it: he had missed him too.

**Author's Note:**

> When I said to myself that I was going to write helmet party this isn't what I had in mind.
> 
> (This took me almost two years what the heck)
> 
> \-----
> 
> This fic was inspired by the fic [Let Me In](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6801157) by [Vanyel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanyel/pseuds/Vanyel) (totally recommended). When I read it, I was very moved by the fight and was like "Oh, no" and then Soldier said he was sorry about what he said about Texans and my mind short-circuit'ed and crossreferenced with the episode Texas of Spongebob Squarepants and I'm sorry
> 
> \-----
> 
> You can pass by and say hello on Tumblr here: [justacoconut-tf2.tumblr.com](https://justacoconut-tf2.tumblr.com)


End file.
